It has officially hit me…

     Over the past few weeks, if you have been reading up on the posts, you would be aware that I am taking some classes in preparation for the next part of my pregnancy… LABOR. I suppose this past week has been by far the most eye opening. I am now officially anxious, nervous, worried, scared, etc. This week was my 3rd Labor and Delivery class, the hospital tour (at the Walnut Creek Kaiser Hospital, where I will be delivering), and then tomorrow I will be attending the Newborn Care class.

     The Labor and Deliver class freaked me out in the medical sense. I know they try and prepare you for the worst, but to be honest I was already expecting something pretty awful, but now I am getting it full force. They are talking about the epidural, which I really don’t want and would hope to avoid. The pitocin, which I would rather not touch with a 10 foot pole if not longer. All the little probes and monitors involved in checking on these drugs. The catheter, the IV, the afterbirth, the tearing, the whole laboring mess.

     Then when we went to the hospital tour, Ben keeps saying how cool everything is and I am starting to get nervous again. The nurses, the rooms, the bed, the stirrups, the nursery, the NICU, etc. I am starting to visualize what will be going and it’s freaking me out. I am looking at the labor room and the recovery room thinking to myself… I will be here in less than 2 months. I will be in that bed laboring over my child.

     I suppose it’s all overwhelming. I am just getting used to his kicks and punches in my belly and now he is ready to come out?!?! I have to push him out of WHERE?!?! What if something goes wrong? What happens   if I need help, but don’t want meds? What if I need a C-Section? What if I have to share a room with another mother and their baby? Will I be ready for it? Can I handle it?

     Millions of questions are flooding my mind like a dam that just burst. Will I be a good mother? Can I get through it without medications? What happens if Ben isn’t there? Will I be able to make it to the hospital in time? If I do take some meds, how will my baby handle it? I am just having it finally set in that I am actually going to have to go through this. I am going to have to complete the biggest “final exam” of my life and I have no idea how to prepare and if I can ever be prepared enough.

     UGH! I know I can’t really think about it until it really happens, but I am just scared. This is my vent/rant and I hope that I can find some kind of words of wisdom from all those who have already gone through it. What are some of your experiences? When did it set in for you that it was all really happening?


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