Cooking Fails

I have made food for myself for a while. Sometimes it involved a crock-pot; I would learn to love my barbecue; more often than not it involved a microwave; and against my better judgement it would involve a stove or oven. In about 95% of all of my cooking ventures, the food was edible. It may not have been the best food, but it was alright and I would survive eating it. In the bottom 5% you would have the charred hot dogs, the chicken that was still raw in the middle, and the casserole that had the consistency of your car tire. This past week was all about those bottom 5%, my cooking fails.

I am not even going to tag the recipes that I made because I don’t want to give them a bad rap. To be honest, it might have been me more than the recipe itself. I just went maybe a little too confidently forward and tried the recipes at hand. One was a cheesy potato thing that you make in the crock-pot… it was potato-y, it was cheesy, it was creamy, and it gave me the worst food poisoning I have had in years. I was doubled over in agony for an hour, then the Mom in me thought… “maybe if you go to the bathroom.” Lets just leave the rest alone, because it was not fun. I don’t know where I went wrong. What caused the food poising? I am not lactose intolerant. I cooked it for the proper length of time. It was super hot when I served it. Where did I go wrong? I guess I will never know, because I am not going to go down that road again… NEVER again!

My next attempt was spaghetti using spaghetti squash. I am sure that would have turned out just fine if I had remembered to buy enough pasta sauce. There I was with perfectly good pasta (the cooked squash) and no sauce to top it with. I had plenty of meat for the sauce, but no actual sauce. I thought… maybe I should improvise. I ended up making these meatballs or “onion balls” as Mr. G so elegantly nicknamed them. They should have been called meatloaf balls. They were good, don’t get me wrong. I ate them and didn’t get sick (thank God, I think I would have given up if I had 2 of those days in one week). They just needed something… like I dunno… SAUCE! The one thing I didn’t have, and between rain and a very low-budget, I was not about ready to take on the holiday shoppers to get a single bottle of sauce. I resorted to my old favorites of ranch (or “dip, dip” as the toddler titled it), ketchup, and then finally settled on a nice little mixture of ketchup, deli mustard (with horseradish), and a little Worcestershire sauce. That was just what it needed. Next time I might even use my little combination as a pre-oven glaze so that when it cooks it tastes a little sweeter and a little less like onion… that or I will be sure to have SAUCE!

My last attempt or I guess you can call it an experiment because that is exactly what it was an experiment gone completely wrong. Crock-pot macaroni and cheese. Now, Mr. G considers himself a “Mac-N-Cheese connoisseur” (he has made endless boxes of Mac-N-Cheese, I just let him own the title). When he started to question the ingredients I just told him to wait and see, this is what the recipe called for. Well, in the end the “Mac-N-Cheese connoisseur” won the battle of taste. This crock-pot macaroni and cheese was so thick that you could barely get the spoon out of it when you went to stir it. That should have been my first hint that something was wrong really. Then, when you tasted it, it was sweet. Not like chocolate sweet, but it tasted like you added a few packets of sweet-n-low to the recipe or something. And finally, it was so dense that it looked like a brick, felt heavy like a brick, and had no movement like a brick. At the end of it all, I disposed of it. The funny part was when I looked at the recipe, the “chef” who created the recipe just updated (literally, just updated it like 5 days ago) the recipe to add more milk. Maybe I should tell them the nix the cream cheese and add some salt?!? Geez! YUCK!

Those were my pretty disastrous cooking fails this week. I am sure you will hear about more as time goes on… but until then I would like to share a super awesome blogger I have followed on twitter for ever. Her name is Caroline of Chocolate & Carrots, she is a super mommy and prego with babe number 2, and makes the most yummy things. With the holidays around the corner she has about a million different recipes that you can mix and match for your next holiday party or family gathering (I have oogl’d over her Christmas Chocolate Chip Cheesecake… ***deep sigh*** YUM). Take a peek at her blog and if you really love her, like I do, follow her on twitter.

Hope your week was far better than mine (cooking wise at least). I will look forward to our next encounter and upcoming recipe. If you have any good recipes to share our would like me to test out, feel free to share them in the comments below.


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