This song, Try by Colbie Caillat, speaks to me on so many levels, but the main one is really because I have struggled with myself. You never know how much or how little you like yourself until you hit motherhood. Then you start to notice things. When your pregnant it’s, “WOAH, are my thighs really that big,” or, “Where did those stretch marks come from, are they new or old,” or, “Why do I have hair growing out of my _(enter odd body part or orifice here)_”.
Then you have the beautiful bundle(s) of joy and other thoughts quickly set in about yourself. At first it’s limited to your body yet again, “I can’t fit in a size _(enter pre-prego pant size here)_, can’t you see I’ve gained _(enter lbs gained during pregnancy here)_,” or, “Why am I losing my hair, and why isn’t is as shiny as it was before,” and the most awful, “Did I ever have this much acne in high school”.
After a few months those thoughts quickly change from your physical appearance to your behavior as a mother, wife, person… “Did I always yell like this or is this a new thing,” or “Sex, I don’t think so,” or, “I think I will just skip the _(enter daily errand that requires social interaction here)_ and lounge in my sweats and eat _(enter child snack that most resembles junk food here)_”. Yeah… These thoughts make you quickly question how much you really like yourself. And as you can see it’s not always limited to physical appearance.
It has been almost 9 months since I had the Munchkin. In my first few months I was the epitome of postpartum depression (PPD). I literally got up to take care of the kids and that was pretty much it. I didn’t bathe, I didn’t really function, I didn’t eat a lot and when I did I would over eat. It was not a good time for me. Then with the help of my amazing hubby and the support of my family and friends I was able to dig myself out of that hole. I am proud to say that I am a pretty well-functioning member of society. With one exception…
I don’t like myself all that much. I have tried. I am not going to lie, I haven’t been trying all that hard, but I have tried. In one of my earlier posts I actually got to fill you all in on some things I wanted to do to make me feel a little more in touch with myself. Yes, it was a list of accomplishments that I wanted to complete before I hit 28, but at the same time I felt like it was my list. My list of things that I needed to do to feel like I could like myself again. To some it might be silly, to others you might be able to relate, but to me… this is really important.
Don’t get me wrong I feel like I have accomplished some things, but I suppose it’s not really the things that I need for myself. I have spent so long trying to avoid myself. I barely have any photos of myself (with or without the kids and/or hubby). I haven’t got my hair “did” in like almost a year. I just went and got glasses for myself (yes, I am a glasses and occasional contacts wearer) and I felt like I was spending too much on myself. They are GLASSES… if I don’t have them I can’t SEE. UGH! It frustrates me just talking about nuts I am about myself. If it’s for the kids or hubby, they need it and we will find a way to get certain things… me, not so much.
What I am getting to is this… I, as well as Mr. G, have noticed that I need some things to make me feel like I can “like” myself again. I think this will appear in a few different ways. He is giving me some uninterrupted time to go out and walk, jog, run, get some form of exercise every day or at least every day we can (with this rain, it’s hard to keep up, but I will try). Mr. G gave me some time to go out yesterday for the first time in at least a year and he put together a playlist for me and set the first song for me to listen to. I found myself walking my warm up with a tear-stained face listening to Colbie Caillat’s Try. My heart right about burst. I am so blessed that he loves me.
The second thing Mr. G is going to do with me is allow me some freedom in our cooking. I don’t have to avoid vegetables anymore. YAY! In the spirit of eating well and not so much “meat and potatoes” we made one of my favorites for lunch yesterday. It is the Creamy Chicken & Broccoli Over Rice, or in my case, over “Kabosh” (Mr. G’s word for Quinoa). I was really looking forward to making this since I and Mr. G love it, plus I had chicken that was in dire need of being cooked. It was either this or chicken burritos, and it was an easy choice picking this. It’s super easy, light on the tummy, and makes for great leftovers. I hope that one day Toddler and Munchkin will love it as much as we do because it would be so good for them. I pretty much followed the recipe with two exceptions… 1) I used quinoa instead of rice (I would use brown rice instead of white rice anyways), and 2) I used just plain sharp cheddar cheese instead of the reduced fat cheese. Not completely significant alterations, but I will include the recipe below for you anyways:
Creamy Chicken & Broccoli Over Rice
4 boneless skinless chicken breasts
10 oz can fat free cream of chicken soup
¼ c fat free sour cream
½ of a 14 oz bag frozen broccoli florets, thawed (or about 2 fresh broccoli crowns cut into florets)
½ c shredded reduced fat taco blend cheese
1 cups quinoa (uncooked)
2 cups chicken broth
Rinse quinoa, then combine with chicken broth on medium heat. Cover and bring to a boil. Reduce heat slightly and boil/simmer covered for 15 minutes (stirring occasionally) or until all fluid is absorbed.
Cut chicken into tenders. Place broccoli & chicken in a sprayed skillet on medium high.
Combine soup and sour cream. Add soup mixture to skillet and bring to a boil.
Cover, reduce heat to medium, and simmer 12 min or until chicken is done.
Remove from heat and sprinkle with cheese. Cover until cheese melts.
Serve over quinoa.
**This is my adaptation from Normal Cooking‘s Creamy Chicken & Broccoli Over Rice recipe (which they sourced through eMeals). Their version is fantastic, I just doctored a few minor things to better fit me and Mr. G.
It’s a very simple meal and so good for you. Plenty of protein! Even Mr. G took some to work with him for lunch. It’s a rare thing to have Mr. G take leftovers to work that he wouldn’t prefer over his regular frozen chicken patties and steamed corn. Hahahaha!
Between him allowing me some extra freedom with cooking and me getting some added exercise I am hoping this will give me some time to enjoy me and learn to really love myself, even the curvy me that I am today. So I leave you with a song and a question. The song: Meghan Trainor’s All About That Bass. The question: If you had to pick one thing, anything… one thing, a physical characteristic, personality trait, skill, anything… What one thing do you LOVE about yourself and why (if it isn’t already apparent by the awesome quality)?