It’s just like The Hobbit

Your journey requires fierce bravery and a great deal of strength. It is a long journey, one that will cover many isles and vast lands. You will encounter many a monster, but with the help of some kind creatures along the way you will over come. Oh so you hope…

Picture courtesy of Screen Rant.

I am not talking about a movie or a book. I am talking grocery shopping with the kiddos. To say the least it is a trek. Really, it’s a battle of will power and patience. I am in pursuit of groceries and baking necessities (for our afternoon goodies). I will not return until I have gathered all my supplies and defeated the two greatest beasts ever seen in a grocery store… the deceptively charming, Sir Screams-A-Lot (i.e. Munchkin), and my arch nemesis, King Tantrum-Galore (i.e. Toddler). Yesterday we tried to forge our way through the 3 stores that held our much needed supplies, but alas… we only survived the great land of Costco (pronounced Cost-CO, like it’s said by the character Norm in the movie Yes Man) and had to rest before embarking on the next leg of our journey Wally-World (A.K.A. Wal-mart) and Winco.

I tried to be swift and graceful as to avoid any real danger. Quickly that thought escaped me as we encountered several obstacles. First, the land of toys. You would think this would be able to distract the King and Sir Knight, but it only angered them as they could not claim anything as their own. I had to fend off their speedy hands and with my agility get us out before anyone got hurt. Then to the place of wild beasts. It holds all the food, garb, and simple housing for those furry critters we call pets. They were easily distracted by another journeyman that had to balance a bag the size of his own body in his cart. As we made our way to the market place, we had to weave in and out of the isles avoiding the ordinary country folk taking their blessed time oogling their pieces before selecting them. Then, out of the corner of my eye, one such country folk, an old woman, looked to the King. Now, we all know it is best for the King and those whom encounter him to avoid eye contact. Well, this bold hag decided to risk her life and actually talk to him! She spent a good 5 minutes trying to enchant him with her knobby, wrinkly fingers. She even tried to soothe him with a soft tune (or high pitched voice, which every you choose to call it). It was of no use, his highness what not amused. Thankfully one of the Wally-World guards escorted her to the next hut so we could continue our journey only partially unscathed. What would mark the half way point of our journey was our exit of this Wally-World, through payment at the gates. This went rather smoothly except for the King’s demand for patronage. He grabbed at anything and everything a was even able to commandeer a lolly-pop, before I had to tear it from his deathly grip and suffer the eye and point of death. Thankfully I thought to wear my eye shield today (my glasses) and went unharmed.

Once the chariot was loaded we were off to the fruitful lands of Winco. These lands I had never encountered before with the King and Sir Knight, and knew that would be my Achilles heel of our travels. After what felt like forever to load Sir Knight on his valiant steed (or just get him in the Björn) and to get the King on his throne, the sky darkened and little drops of clear beads grazed our faces as we traveled the parking lot through the entrance gates. We quickly found the garden of all that is good and green. This took us some time since we did not have proper handling and needed extra time to confirm the quality of the items. My hands trembled as I pushed our cart between each item. Was I getting what I needed? Where should we go next? And then my nightmare was slowly becoming a reality when Sir Screams-A-Lot started to send of his warning cries. I didn’t have much time, I needed to keep moving. As I learned to juggle produce we made our way to the drylands (the back bins). We collected our nuts, rices, and dried bread only to see that the King had leaned over and attempted to throw a few items in our cart that did not belong. He was reaching for his third canister of oatmeal before I caught him in his wickedness and fended of his flailing arms so I could return the oatmeal to it’s rightful place on the shelf. Then to the land of milk and honey, where we encountered Officer Not-Know-So-Much. He tried to trick us into believing that non-dairy creamer was the same as whipping cream. His smug face glared at us when he realized that we did not believe his trickery. But the biggest challenge was the dance of the jester. As you go to exit the land of Winco, the King and Sir Knight were at the end of their patience with me. They threatened, they cursed, and they were visibly violent, I had to do something. I did the dance of the jester, there was fruits and vegetables flying about, our canned foods and other random goods doing a dance of their own on the conveyor belt. It was the ever so popular “please don’t meltdown now” dance.

Once our carriage was loaded with our last remaining goods we were off for home. Both the King and Sir Knight drifted into a great slumber by the end of our journey, but that’s was welcomed by all.

You see all those fabulous Moms out there with the super awesome kid(s) that behave during all the shopping trips? Nope, me neither! It’s like a beautiful rainbow colored unicorn… IT DOESN’T EXIST! I my simple goal for the outing was to get shopping done and survive. I did, and I have to admit I am proud of me and my boys. I feel like if I would have done any more shopping I probably would have failed miserably, but I didn’t. Today’s “journey” was a success and despite the hurdles of random old ladies trying to “ooh” and “ahhhh” over my kiddos and the grumpy old Winco employee trying to get me to buy the wrong thing, I am pretty sure we did ok. There was a slight fiasco with the Munchkin and kicking all of the zucchini off the “stand”, but even that was ok. They made it through with me and I survived. It was difficult and it gave me a whole new appreciation for single parents of multiples, but thank God I did it!

Have you had any crazy outings lately?


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