Do I Care?

I told you I wouldn’t last a whole month…

I told you that I couldn’t do it…

You thought I was joking. I wasn’t.

I told you…

My last few weeks have been meat and animal product free… not today. Today I snapped. Today I gave in and ate meat and animal products. A whole month. I must have been crazy. What was I thinking?

Bob Barker even knew I failed.

Today while I was eating pizza with cheese and pepperoni and sausage and linguica with salad and ranch dressing… oh the ranch dressing… I didn’t even stop to hesitate. I enjoyed it. I relished in the meaty, animal product goodness. Sure, it felt a little wrong. Sure, I was a little disappointed in myself. I guess the real question of the day is… do I care?

Even after my pizza and salad binge I indulged in one more “taboo”. I ate… no I enjoyed ice cream. It wasn’t just any ice cream either. It was thrifty ice cream from Rite-Aid. OH.MY.GAWD.

Just like the cone says, “Eat It All”. (Photo Credit)

Pure bliss on a cone. I enjoyed ice cream in 60 degree weather. Yes, I loved it. Did I think about the numbers of cows and chickens that it took to produce it? Nope. Did I even blink when they asked what flavor(s) I wanted? Not even a little bit (and I picked chocolate chip cookie dough and butter pecan, just in case you were wondering). But the real question is… do I care?

Then I came home and made some freaking amazing guacamole. My guacamole had sour cream in it. Another faux pas under my meatless and sans animal product pact. I enjoyed the creamy avocado deliciousness. I was ecstatic when I was able to pull out the sour cream container nonchalantly. Did I notice that the difference from the sour cream? Not like I thought I would. Did I think about what this was doing to my body? Nope, I was just hoping that it wasn’t past the sour cream’s expiration date (I was one day early). But the real question is… do I care?

Do I care? I have been avoiding the answer because despite how crappy I ate today and despite the fact that I ate not one, but two meals with animal products, and I also ate meat… I do care.

I told you I wouldn’t last a whole month…

I told you that I couldn’t do it…

You thought I was crazy. I probably was.

I told you…

I can give you all sorts of funny and witty excuses about why I caved. I can even tell you that Mr. G was so convincing, it was almost like he “made me” do it. The problem with that is… it’s not true. I caved, because I caved and that’s, that. I feel like I was weak and it felt so good to let go. Does it make me care any less? No. Does it make me want to eat a whole boat load of meat? Not exactly. Do I care?

I do care. What happens tomorrow when I wake up and have to eat breakfast? Do I go and grab eggs? Do I toss aside the tofu and go for chicken? No. Tomorrow I allow myself to be human. Tomorrow I forgive myself for breaking a promise to myself. Tomorrow I pick up the veggies and cook on. I get my Thug Kitchen cookbook and as they so elegantly say “eat like I give a F*CK”. Tomorrow I let go of my ranch, pizza, ice cream, and sour cream. Tomorrow I finish this. Tomorrow I work toward the remaining 10 days of the month.

Today was not my best day in regards to judgment. Today I let my cravings get the best of me. Tomorrow I will be better. Tomorrow I will allow myself to care and continue on.


Talk to me...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s