Brace Yourself

Have you ever had that dream? You know, that dream you have where you are falling off your bed? It feels so real that you wake up gasping for air and clinging on to anything within arms grasp to try and brace yourself from the fall. I haven’t had that dream in a while, but my life kinda feels like that dream because of potty training. I am in the dream right now where you are falling. You don’t know when you will actually hit the floor, but you know it will happen and it will happen before you want it to. Then you wake up not on the floor, but still grasping for sheets/blankets/headboard in the attempt to brace yourself for something that will not be happening.

Like I mentioned before I started potty training my two-year-old. He is doing remarkably well. He has had two accidents since we have started, but ultimately he is doing far better than I thought he would be. He is telling me when he needs to go, he actually goes when he claims he needs to go, and for the most part he is pretty “ok” with the whole idea of not needing a diaper anymore. This really is a parents dream and this is how I relate it to the “falling off the bed” dream: I don’t know when I am going to hit the wall and this will become a fight.

Right after my daughter turned about six-months-old we had made an attempt to potty train him and it was awful. He fought me. He cried. I cried. He pee’d all over the kitchen chair. I cleaned up the kitchen chair. It was a mess. Now, this time around I am so hesitant to believe that it is going as smoothly as it is. I mean I don’t even know if this is a game to him or if he will take to it as easily as he has so far the whole way. I am still in the midst of the dream free falling waiting to hit the ground. My heart is racing hoping he doesn’t pee all over the carpet or have a severe reaction to last nights pizza and have a sh*t storm that gets all over the carpet. I suppose it’s “mother’s anxiety”.

If you are a mother of anything, even a pet, you know “mother’s anxiety”. It is how you feel knowing that you have to be the one to take them to the doctor even though they hate it or hold them down to brush their teeth. You are preemptively preparing yourself for the battle/meltdown or even the sobbing and painful cries. It makes you want to rip your eyes out, but you don’t because you know it’s what is best for them. I am anxious over his potty training because I know he needs to do it. He explodes out of his diapers and the kid comes to get me every time he pees so I can change him. It’s time. I just have this fear. My baby is growing up. For him, this has been a hurdle in a few ways. Him learning how to properly express himself with speech, his ability to pick out his own clothes, etc. have all contributed to knowing it’s the right time for him to do this.

Now, I am in the wake up process grasping at anything trying to brace myself for the possible fall that likely will never come. He is ready. He asks to go pee-pee and he went willingly to poop. I still hope he sleeps with his blankie and that he likes to snuggle with me just a little too long. I hope that his boyish face doesn’t turn to be a young mans face too soon. I will relish in every moment he belly laughs and every goofy smile he sends my way. I still have to brace myself for future moments, but I am hoping I can let go of the potty training moments and let him take it from here.

My little boy is growing up and he may not need me to change diapers, but he still needs me for other things. I know there will come many more milestones and I will gladly wait for them all. He just was able to tell me he loves me and I melt every time he says it. It took him a long while, but I feel lucky that he is able to say it to me now. He’s my baby boy and despite his regular hurdles I wouldn’t change him for anything even for potty training far too easily.

I am in week 3 of Whole30. Christmas is right around the corner. I knew this day was coming, but I never thought that I would be able to pull off making it through Christmas and New Years. I am very proud of myself. Today marks day 13. Tomorrow will be a full two weeks on Whole30 and I really like it. I keep thinking about reintroducing some things in at 30 days and I don’t really know if I will. I guess I better just focus on today and getting through the now because I want to enjoy the recipes and the fruit and the veggies. I want to make the most of my current experience with the program.

Some things I have noticed since last week. My face is not as “puffy”. I have no idea if it’s bloat or weight gone, it just feels nice to have people notice. I am more comfortable in my jeans too (although today they were a bit snug, but I don’t know if that is just day 8-9 in the program timeline hitting me a little late). I am drinking more water and I actually find myself craving it. I have replaced sweets with fruit. Fruit suddenly tastes more sweet than I remembered it. I am not craving bad food as much as I was before. I have been having dreams about food though. The latest one was about pizza and cake. HAHAHAHAHA! It made me laugh because in my dream I was like, “I can still keep going on Whole30 though, right?” I have been in a better mood. I am not as angry or frustrated as I was before the program. Aside from the crazy weather I have actually been looking forward to getting out of the house.

Oh, and huge milestone for me hit this past week. I went over to a friends house and they had TAMALES! Ok, if anyone knows me or my family they know that tamales are the business. I LOVE them and they love my hips right back. They love my hips so much that they like to stick around for a while. I actually was able to kindly refuse them and stay focused on my goal. They also had Doritos and dip there. I don’t know how I survived. I think the company and conversation was so fantastic that it was more than enough distraction from the food.

Now, on to week 3. I am working on my 30 Day Ab Challenge (it’s an app on my iPhone called 30Day Fitness if you are interested in joining me). I now just need to plan for my Christmas Dinner and hope that all goes well. I will probably write a few more times this week, but if I catch you on your way to visiting family or friends away from home, I hope you have a safe and fun visit and a lovely Holiday no matter what you might be celebrating.

What are your plans this week? Are you in the middle of potty training or one of your child’s “next level of greatness” moments? Tell me how you are doing and your plans for the holidays.


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